Mother of the groom - Wedding speech

My son, first born and one of four, and his wife to be asked me to make a speech at their wedding. I'm going to post it here but prefix it by describing the anticipated general audience. I might say I am surprised at the conservatism of the young people of the day. It seems the bulk of them still believe in Mognanamy and happy ever after. Despite some of them, as with my son and his fiancé, having already had a marriage or a child bearing relationship. This wedding, second for the bride, will be a white wedding. One for which my son is selling his twin cab ute to fund. So, in my speech I am somewhat indulging this mindset. But, at the same time I am honestly sharing thoughts on my own experience, even though i totally accept getting married and having children is not on everyones' agenda. And noteworthy is that when writing this speech at the back of my mind was the knowledge that my ex, who I do not speak with at all would be present. I felt obliged to make my speech that in no way derided him. Much as I'd love to. No, not really. As it happens i just found out my ex wont be attending. But that's a whole other story. A bit of backstory; my son has a four year old daughter, Kayla, to another lady. The bride has another child, Michael, to her first husband. And they have a daughter, Grace, to each other, conceived prior to my son even breaking up officially with the mother of his first child. The bride is an old school friend of my daughter, the grooms' sister. I think they may have had a brief fling back in their school days.

So the speech;

Most of us are looking for love, if we haven't found it already. The 'one'. And when you find the one, well, most end up dressing up fancy and declaring it to the world. You've found the one. Yay! Well, you think you've found the one, but its not about just one at all.

When you have your first child you can't wait to love them. It's a given. Then if you have another one - you love the first one so much you might have some concerns that you have enough love for someone else in your life. But if you go there, by the time you have a third baby, you know from your second that of course you have enough love to go around. If you're crazy enough to have a fourth you might go back to having concerns about there being enough love. But of course there is. There's just not enough room in the car! All that love, just from loving the one.

But wait, there's more!

Those little kiddies go off to school and make friends. They bring those friends home and dang if you don't start loving some of them too! I look around this room and see some of those kids who worked their way into my heart. Two right here at the bridal table; Courtney, Nathan.

But wait, there's more!

Then your kids start dating and if you're lucky you start loving their chosen ones. Looking around the room i see some of them too. Alan, Radha - oh and courtney, your name keeps popping up.

But wait, there's more!

Then your kids have kids! And by then your heart's such a rubbery pliable blob so used to loving that you just can't get enough. You can't wait for more, and more, and more. In my case I didn't have to wait too long.

Cal and Courtney have made a great start, today they are celebrating more than just finding their one and onlys and a life together forever. They are celebrating love and its just as well they've both got a lot of love to give - they are up to their necks in it already. Courtney, I know you're the one for Cal, your love for him has really bought out the best in him. Your caring and love for kayla has made her extended family experience a bonus in her life. And thank you for bringing two more loves, Michael and Grace into our lives, not to mention the rest of your family. So much love. Welcome to our family.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Murdoch has been put on hold.  Films are such a costly endeavour. Not only do you have to find someone who thinks your writing and story are great, they have to have, or be able to source the funds to produce it. I find that factor is like a big brick wall or a cloud over my head.  I'm considering going back to writing prose.

Self Serve

Taxi drivers, I don’t care if you wear a turban or a navy wifebeater, if you have tattoos down your neck or a 5cm pinky nail, when I climb into a cab it is generally a well-considered luxury and I expect the works. If I have a suitcase, get out of the car and put it into the boot for me. If it’s hot have your air conditioning on tight arse. If you have Celine Dion playing on your stereo don’t be offended when I ask you to fuck her off. But most of all, do not ask me how to get to where I’m going. That’s your job! And if you don’t know, get a Navman. Not having to navigate is part of my luxury; not having to think about what lane I need to be in, what street to take… A taxi driver asking me for directions; that’d be like going to a restaurant and being asked to cook your own food. Oh hang on, that happens. Or it’d be like cleaning your house before the cleaner comes. Oh hang on, people do that - rich morons that is. Or like making your own diagnosis at your GP. Oh hang on, I have to do that every time I go to the doctors, if I don’t I’m met with blank stares or worse, every medical test they can fob off on me. Customer service, what a laugh! More like customer serve your selves these days!

Cat Lovers - really?

What’s with all you supposed cat lovers out there? If I log on to FB and see one more cutesy picture of a cat that has obviously been tortured to set up the photo I’ll go barmy. But that’s not before I’ll hide you and all your sad, sad posts. I don’t even like my cat let alone yours, but I see these pics and wonder how you can be sucked in by them and think they are cute. They are not cute, they are cruel. Oh, hang on, yes it is clear. You’re a cat lover so therefore a bit deficient.

 I didn’t have to go looking far for the pictures below. So tell me cat lovers, you reckon that cat just slipped itself into that shoe backwards? If you do you’re dumber than I thought. Can you tell me that cat was not killed, drugged or restrained to squeeze it into the shoe that way? Or the other one; I can bet you a million dollars those cats did not enjoy having four bikini tops tied to them. And then how did they keep them still for the shots? Ignoring the smiles that have obviously been photo-shopped, they look pretty dead to me!

Namby Pambies

School holidays are over. What does that mean to me, a barren old spinster? It means I flipping-well have to get up earlier every morning to allow for the traffic created by all those pathetic parents out there who have some misconceived idea their precious darlings cannot walk to school. They wrap them up in cotton wool, belt them into the seat and drive them three blocks away. Seriously, is it any wonder most of the kids you encounter these days walk around looking like clueless drones – everything is done for them!

And what’s with all this positive reinforcement crap they start with the minute the kids show any sign of comprehension. How to lull your kid into a false sense of self-worth! What happens when they encounter the real world - like when they audition for Australian Idol and get laughed off the airwaves when they discover their xylophone playing is not genius at all but freaking annoying and monotonous? Who’s a good parent then? And who’s a good parent when the disillusioned prodigy’s dream is shattered and he takes out a gun and mows down the entire judging panel and room full of the rest of the untalented wannabes?

Parents, break it to them now, tell them they’re just a mediocre little fish in the big vast ocean of ruthlessness and spare us all the pain of the inevitable dysfunction you’re bestowing upon them.

Ghost writer

So, I was thinking of getting a ghost writer on board to help me with Murdoch's nasty blogs and today I discovered the biggest bitch in Brisbane when I read this little passage that came with my water bill.

"Water bills skyrocketed in the past five years because of poor planning and panicked decisions that resulted in massive spending on things like $600 million wasted on the failed Traveston Crossing Dam."

Could Cambell Newman get any more stabs into one sentence? He's certainly got the bitch factor, just a pity he can't construct a sentence that doesn't clunk off the page.

Oh well guess it's me. Nasty Murdoch blog coming soon.

Introducing Murdoch

Murdoch Perkins is the lead character in Fingers, a short film I have written and plan to produce in 2013.
 
Fingers is a digital take on the old fable Pinocchio.

Murdoch is a bitter middle aged woman who can find nothing nice to say when she writes her blogs. One evening the Blue Fairy pays her blog a visit to give her an important message. From then, whenever Murdoch blogs bitterly, her fingers grow. And grow. Until one night when entertaining, Murdoch has a terrible altercation with the blender and her long gangly fingers are injured badly. She is forced to take a break from blogging. Away from her vindictive words she discovers the companionship of her once scorned cat, and a transformation takes place.

I plan, as Murdoch, to post regularly on subjects that give her the shits, which is most everything. I invite you to comment as kindly or scathingly as you desire. Some of your comments may even, with your permission, make the film or inspire more content - so go for it.