Cat Lovers - really?

What’s with all you supposed cat lovers out there? If I log on to FB and see one more cutesy picture of a cat that has obviously been tortured to set up the photo I’ll go barmy. But that’s not before I’ll hide you and all your sad, sad posts. I don’t even like my cat let alone yours, but I see these pics and wonder how you can be sucked in by them and think they are cute. They are not cute, they are cruel. Oh, hang on, yes it is clear. You’re a cat lover so therefore a bit deficient.

 I didn’t have to go looking far for the pictures below. So tell me cat lovers, you reckon that cat just slipped itself into that shoe backwards? If you do you’re dumber than I thought. Can you tell me that cat was not killed, drugged or restrained to squeeze it into the shoe that way? Or the other one; I can bet you a million dollars those cats did not enjoy having four bikini tops tied to them. And then how did they keep them still for the shots? Ignoring the smiles that have obviously been photo-shopped, they look pretty dead to me!

Namby Pambies

School holidays are over. What does that mean to me, a barren old spinster? It means I flipping-well have to get up earlier every morning to allow for the traffic created by all those pathetic parents out there who have some misconceived idea their precious darlings cannot walk to school. They wrap them up in cotton wool, belt them into the seat and drive them three blocks away. Seriously, is it any wonder most of the kids you encounter these days walk around looking like clueless drones – everything is done for them!

And what’s with all this positive reinforcement crap they start with the minute the kids show any sign of comprehension. How to lull your kid into a false sense of self-worth! What happens when they encounter the real world - like when they audition for Australian Idol and get laughed off the airwaves when they discover their xylophone playing is not genius at all but freaking annoying and monotonous? Who’s a good parent then? And who’s a good parent when the disillusioned prodigy’s dream is shattered and he takes out a gun and mows down the entire judging panel and room full of the rest of the untalented wannabes?

Parents, break it to them now, tell them they’re just a mediocre little fish in the big vast ocean of ruthlessness and spare us all the pain of the inevitable dysfunction you’re bestowing upon them.

Ghost writer

So, I was thinking of getting a ghost writer on board to help me with Murdoch's nasty blogs and today I discovered the biggest bitch in Brisbane when I read this little passage that came with my water bill.

"Water bills skyrocketed in the past five years because of poor planning and panicked decisions that resulted in massive spending on things like $600 million wasted on the failed Traveston Crossing Dam."

Could Cambell Newman get any more stabs into one sentence? He's certainly got the bitch factor, just a pity he can't construct a sentence that doesn't clunk off the page.

Oh well guess it's me. Nasty Murdoch blog coming soon.

Introducing Murdoch

Murdoch Perkins is the lead character in Fingers, a short film I have written and plan to produce in 2013.
 
Fingers is a digital take on the old fable Pinocchio.

Murdoch is a bitter middle aged woman who can find nothing nice to say when she writes her blogs. One evening the Blue Fairy pays her blog a visit to give her an important message. From then, whenever Murdoch blogs bitterly, her fingers grow. And grow. Until one night when entertaining, Murdoch has a terrible altercation with the blender and her long gangly fingers are injured badly. She is forced to take a break from blogging. Away from her vindictive words she discovers the companionship of her once scorned cat, and a transformation takes place.

I plan, as Murdoch, to post regularly on subjects that give her the shits, which is most everything. I invite you to comment as kindly or scathingly as you desire. Some of your comments may even, with your permission, make the film or inspire more content - so go for it.